Am I Running Away, Seeking Adventure, or Learning a New Version of Myself?

This is a question that has lived in my mind almost every week since I made the decision to start my life over in another country. From the outside looking in, it honestly depends on what side of the fence you stand. The truth is, there may be a little bit of both mixed in.

The Question We All Ask Ourselves

If you are reading this, there is a good chance this question has visited you at some point in your life. Those moments when you wonder if you are running away from a responsibility, choosing not to address something, or ignoring issues in hopes they will disappear. Most of us are not strangers to this way of being. It is part of human nature, and it can be traced back to the brain. Trauma can condition us to avoid, to flee, and to choose survival over stillness.

My Current Reflection

As I prepare for my move, this reflection has been alive in me. Since submitting my vacate notice, my apartment complex has contacted me three times asking me to reconsider staying.

One part of me questioned if this was a sign that I was making the wrong decision. Why would they press me so hard to stay after I had already chosen to leave? The other part of me saw it as the past trying to keep me bound for another year, even though my spirit was already moving forward. I’ve seen this pattern play out quite often in the past, especially with relationships. I’ve come to learn, we don’t have to answer, just because the past is knocking.

Is Running Away Always Bad?

This brought me back to the same question: am I running away from something, or am I running toward an experience? And if I am running away, does that automatically make it wrong?

Many of the greats “ran away” at some point to find themselves. They returned transformed, with new vision and perspective. Running away does not always mean defeat. Sometimes it means expansion. Who are we to say there is only one way to create a new life or a new reality?

Choosing Expansion

When I accepted the possibility that part of me was running away, I also realized I was making decisions from a place of growth. I am ready for something different. I have made peace with my current life. I have received all that this season has to give me, and staying here expecting different experiences would feel like insanity.

Grieving What I Did Not Experience

It has been interesting to watch how the social media algorithm works. Suddenly my TikTok timeline is filled with videos of events, cultural outings, and activities in this city. It made me grieve the experiences I never had here simply because I did not know about them.

I can admit I have not done everything this city has to offer. I can also admit that I have never truly felt like I fit here. The primary reason I moved here was cost of living. It was never about purpose.

The Truth of My Decision

So here is what I know now: I am not running away from problems. I am running toward new opportunities, new spaces, and new possibilities, even if fear lingers at the edges.

Sometimes the bravest decision you can make is to let yourself go where you feel pulled, even if the world calls it “running away.”

Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this? How did you navigate your feelings?