Almost 40, Child-Free by Choice, and Living Life on My Own Terms

I’m 38, getting closer to 40, and I’ve been sitting with what my life looks like right now in a way that feels very intentional. I’m single, I don’t have children, and I’m living abroad, and for the first time I can honestly say I feel like my life belongs to me.

That wasn’t always my reality.

I’ve spent a lot of my life being in helping roles, pouring into other people, showing up in ways that required me to put myself on the back burner. That became normal for me, to be the one who holds space, fixes things, supports, nurtures, and carries emotional weight that wasn’t always mine to carry. When you’ve lived like that for so long, choosing yourself can feel unfamiliar at first, even uncomfortable, because you’re not used to centering your own needs without guilt attached to it.

But this season of my life feels different. I’m not just working through old versions of myself, I’m actively giving my younger self what she needed, in real time. I’m nurturing her, protecting her, and allowing her to experience a version of life that she didn’t always have access to. That means I’m no longer operating from a place where I feel responsible for everyone else’s well-being while neglecting my own.

And a big part of that choice for me has been deciding not to have children.

I know that isn’t a popular conversation for a lot of people, especially for women. There is still this unspoken expectation that at some point you are supposed to become a wife and a mother, and if you don’t follow that path, people start trying to figure out what went wrong. I had to sit with that internally and really ask myself if that was something I truly wanted, or if it was something I was conditioned to believe I needed in order to feel complete.

For me, it became very clear that I value my freedom in a way that I’m not willing to compromise right now.

I like being able to move how I want to move. I like that I can decide to live in another country without having to structure my life around anyone else’s needs. I like that my days belong to me, that I can wake up when I feel rested, go to sleep when I’m ready, explore when I want to explore, and rest when I need to rest without having to override that for someone else.

Even the small things matter to me. Some days I feel like cooking, and some days I don’t, and I’m okay with putting together something simple and calling it a day. My lifestyle allows me to be fluid, and that fluidity feels like a form of peace that I worked hard to create.

Now, I’m fully aware that there are women who have children and still travel, still build, still create freedom in their own way, and I respect that completely. That is their path, and it works for them. I’m not speaking from a place of judgment, I’m speaking from a place of knowing myself deeply enough to understand what works for me in this season of my life.

And for me, adding that level of responsibility would shift the way I move in a way that I’m not aligned with right now.

This is the first time in my life where I feel like I don’t have to ask permission to exist as I am. I don’t have to shrink, explain, or justify why I’m choosing a different path. I don’t have to rush into roles that don’t feel aligned just because of timing, age, or societal pressure.

There is something powerful about being the first woman in your lineage to have a real choice.

When I think about the women who came before me, I know they didn’t always have the same options. Their lives were shaped by survival, expectation, and necessity. They didn’t always get the opportunity to explore what they truly wanted for themselves outside of what was required of them.

So when I say this is my rebellion, I mean that in a very intentional way.

My rebellion is choosing a life that feels good to me. My rebellion is deciding that my value is not tied to whether I am married or whether I have children. My rebellion is allowing myself to experience the world, to expand, to grow, and to live in a way that prioritizes my peace and my autonomy.

Before my grandmother passed, she told me something that stayed with me. She told me she wanted me to travel the world and enjoy my life, and that I didn’t have to focus on getting married or having children to define who I am as a woman. That conversation meant more to me than I think she even realized, because it gave me permission to see my life differently.

And now, I’m actually living that.

I’m waking up in different countries, building my business, meeting new people, learning new ways of living, and experiencing a version of life that feels expansive instead of restrictive. I’m not rushing into anything that doesn’t feel aligned, and I’m not allowing fear or outside opinions to dictate my timeline.

This isn’t about rejecting relationships or shutting myself off from love. It’s about understanding that love can exist in many forms, and that the relationship I have with myself is the foundation for everything else.

Right now, I’m choosing me.

I’m choosing a life that feels aligned, peaceful, and free. I’m choosing to honor the version of myself that needed this space to grow without pressure. I’m choosing to experience what it feels like to live fully, without constantly preparing for the next role I’m supposed to step into.

And if that makes me different, I’m okay with that.

Because for the first time, different feels like freedom.