Some Call It “Respectability Politics” When It’s Really Just Reading the Room Abroad

One thing I’ve learned while solo traveling around the world full-time is that a lot of people, especially us Americans, struggle with the idea that every country does not operate by our social rules, fashion norms, or personal-expression standards. Some people get deeply offended by that conversation, especially online, because they immediately hear it as “you shouldn’t be yourself,” when in reality, sometimes it’s just about understanding where you are and how people around you move culturally.

I saw the post below on Threads where she said you can’t dress the same way everywhere in the world and expect the same response you’d get in Atlanta, and whew… the couple of comments got HOT immediately lol.

Someone started brought up examples like Oprah allegedly being mistreated in another country, and Black women being denied services in Italy, racism abroad, discrimination, to argue against the point.

Here’s the thing though, two things can exist at the same time. Racism absolutely exists globally. Discrimination absolutely exists globally. Some people are going to dislike you simply because you are Black, American, a woman, foreign, confident, visibly different, or all of the above combined into one walking experience.

At the same time, cultural norms also exist.

Those are two separate conversations that people keep trying to force into one.

There are countries where walking around in booty shorts, a bra top, and cheeks out is going to get you stared at heavily, judged, refused entry somewhere, or seen as disrespectful depending on the environment. That does not mean you deserve harm. That does not mean people should mistreat you. That does not mean sexism is okay. It simply means cultures around the world have different expectations around modesty, presentation, gender roles, and public behavior.

Some countries are extremely conservative. Some are deeply religious. Some are culturally collective instead of individualistic like the United States. Some communities expect women to cover certain parts of their bodies, especially in smaller towns, family-centered areas, temples, churches, mosques, or traditional spaces.

That’s just reality.

I think some travelers hear conversations like this and immediately feel like people are trying to control them. Meanwhile seasoned travelers are usually just trying to explain, “Hey… maybe don’t pull up to this tiny conservative village dressed like you’re headed to a rooftop day party in Tulum.”

That’s not oppression…. It’s survival mixed with cultural awareness lol.

Even in the United States people adjust how they dress depending on where they’re going. Most people are not showing up to a corporate law office dressed the same way they’d dress at a beach club in Miami. Most people already understand situational awareness. Somehow when travel enters the conversation, people suddenly act confused about the concept.

Now personally, I wear what I want within reason, but I also pay attention to where I am. When I’ve traveled through parts of Latin America, I noticed quickly that some areas were more conservative than social media would have you believe. Social media will have y’all thinking every woman abroad is outside in a thong bikini drinking caipirinhas at noon while samba music magically plays in the background like a movie soundtrack. Whole time away from the beach, the local aunties are fully covered walking to the market giving you the side eye from across the street lol.

People also forget that being a tourist already makes you stand out. The louder you dress, act, or move in certain places, the more attention you draw to yourself. Sometimes that attention is harmless curiosity. Sometimes it’s not. Experienced travelers understand this very quickly.

That doesn’t mean becoming fearful of the world. It means learning how to move intelligently through it.

I also think there’s a very American mindset around “nobody can tell me what to do,” which sounds good online until you realize you are literally a guest in someone else’s country. Respecting customs does not erase your identity. Learning local etiquette does not suddenly make you weak or controlled. It honestly just makes travel smoother.

You do not have to agree with every cultural norm in a country to acknowledge it exists.

That’s the part people skip.

There are places where PDA is frowned upon. Places where loud behavior is frowned upon. Places where women covering their shoulders matters. Places where taking photos is offensive. Places where tipping is insulting. Places where showing the bottom of your feet is disrespectful. Traveling requires flexibility and observation more than ego.

Honestly, one of the biggest lessons travel teaches you is that your personal “normal” is not universal.

That realization either expands people or deeply irritates them lol.

I think there’s also a difference between traveling to experience a culture versus traveling and expecting every place to adapt itself around your personal comfort zone. Some people genuinely want immersion. Other people want the aesthetics of travel while mentally remaining exactly where they came from.

Those are two very different travelers.

As a Black woman traveling solo full-time, I already know there are certain assumptions people may make about me before I even open my mouth. Because of that, I’m very intentional about observing environments first. I pay attention to how local women dress, how people interact publicly, what behavior is considered respectful, and how tourists are perceived. That awareness has honestly made my travels smoother, safer, and more enjoyable.

You can still be fully yourself while understanding context.

That’s not “respectability politics.”

That’s called knowing how to read the room internationally lol